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" Angels don't exist. "

I once said
Lost dreams, failed life
Lead me to desperation

All could see my grief
As the broken heart was dying
In this soul so dark

" I feel warm embracing touch. "

You were always with me
My eyes so blind, I couldn't see
My head full of voices, I couldn't hear

Constantly you offered help
Never let me alone, never forgotten
Your eyes saw my pain

" Look at me, Fallen Angel. "

I could finally feel your love
Reached towards your hand
So you could fly away with me

Two angels with lost souls
Found salvation

Let my dark, broken wings protect you

Your white, pure ones will never wither away

" Death Angel was with his Shattered Angel once again. "
Story which became true.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconhinata8d:
Love it. It's pretty organized but still choppy enough for the cool effect to the eye. Makin the structure(spacing, indentions, punctuation and capitalizations) of the writing different makes it more appealing to the eye and make people more interested in the piece it self. Like you did here, that's why I opened it to read.
I got a very creative image when I read this. and it has a lot of visible emotion with the white and dark contrast in "let my dark, broken wings protect you/ your white, pure ones will never weither away"
Wonderful job. I hope you keep writing :meow:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconspuffy12:
I'm not exactly sure what you would like me to critique, so I will give you a more or less general one.

Overall, the poem was good. The emotions of sadness, desperation, and hope come through. I'm not quite sure what the phrases in quotations are meant to be. Is it the speaker? Someone else? Are they thoughts? I really don't see any consistency in them. They seem to interrupt the flow of the other stanzas.

My favorite part in the poem would have to be,

You were always with me
My eyes so blind, I couldn't see
My head full of voices, I couldn't hear


As the last line of that stanza really left an impact.

All in all, you did a good job. Keep up the good work (:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
12 out of 12 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconskeletonsbasements:
SkeletonsBasements Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
' You were always with me
My eyes so blind, I couldn't see
My head full of voices, I couldn't hear '
Favorite part.
Reply
:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
Reply
:iconxxryra5bbit:
xxRyRa5bbit Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ur an angel
Reply
:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:) thanks
Reply
:iconxxryra5bbit:
xxRyRa5bbit Featured By Owner May 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem ^^ tis true
Reply
:icondemonrobber:
demonrobber Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2012
Two angels combined together in love. They can both help to heal all the wounds and create paradise on earth. It is good when you find the perfect match. Nicely done.
Reply
:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks..
Reply
:iconheisbreakingmyheart:
heisbreakingmyheart Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so beautiful.
Reply
:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks
Reply
:iconheisbreakingmyheart:
heisbreakingmyheart Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
Reply
:iconxxshatteredangelxx:
XxShatteredAngelxX Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is a very beautiful, I love it.
Reply
:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
^^
Reply
:iconxxshatteredangelxx:
XxShatteredAngelxX Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconblackheartplz:
Reply
:iconiamhaden:
IamHaden Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
manly man is manl-
OH, this just hit me in my soft spot...
Reply
:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
lol ty
Reply
:iconblasphemy-cat:
Blasphemy-Cat Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
nice
Reply
:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
ty
Reply
:icontwinhollow:
Twinhollow Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I like it
Reply
:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
Reply
:icontwinhollow:
Twinhollow Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
:pie:
Reply
:iconladykirithefallen:
LadyKiriTheFallen Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I thought the spacing with the quotations was interesting. I was going to write it off as an error, but after seeing that it was part of the format, I realized my mistake. This was an interesting read.
Reply
:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes it was planned :) thank you
Reply
:iconladykirithefallen:
LadyKiriTheFallen Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
no problem! I really suck with poetry, so I hope by reading enough I'll find some way to get better! Somehow I'm able to write stories under 500 words.
Reply
:iconbreadth:
breadth Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
well penned:thumbsup:
a beautiful piece
Reply
:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks^^
Reply
:icontrexybusiness:
TRexyBusiness Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is nice. I'd like to write more like this. :D
Reply
:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:) Thanks
Reply
:icontrexybusiness:
TRexyBusiness Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yah. :D
Reply
:iconoconpo0:
oconpo0 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012
WOW love it, really well written :)
I wish angels were real :(
Reply
:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Same here :( Thanks ^^
Reply
:icondarlingangel0565:
DarlingAngel0565 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Professional Writer
It is beautiful :iconblackheartplz:
Reply
:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
Reply
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