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Submitted on
April 18, 2012
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" Angels don't exist. "

I once said
Lost dreams, failed life
Lead me to desperation

All could see my grief
As the broken heart was dying
In this soul so dark

" I feel warm embracing touch. "

You were always with me
My eyes so blind, I couldn't see
My head full of voices, I couldn't hear

Constantly you offered help
Never let me alone, never forgotten
Your eyes saw my pain

" Look at me, Fallen Angel. "

I could finally feel your love
Reached towards your hand
So you could fly away with me

Two angels with lost souls
Found salvation

Let my dark, broken wings protect you

Your white, pure ones will never wither away

" Death Angel was with his Shattered Angel once again. "
Story which became true.
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:iconhinata8d:
Love it. It's pretty organized but still choppy enough for the cool effect to the eye. Makin the structure(spacing, indentions, punctuation and capitalizations) of the writing different makes it more appealing to the eye and make people more interested in the piece it self. Like you did here, that's why I opened it to read.
I got a very creative image when I read this. and it has a lot of visible emotion with the white and dark contrast in "let my dark, broken wings protect you/ your white, pure ones will never weither away"
Wonderful job. I hope you keep writing :meow:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconspuffy12:
I'm not exactly sure what you would like me to critique, so I will give you a more or less general one.

Overall, the poem was good. The emotions of sadness, desperation, and hope come through. I'm not quite sure what the phrases in quotations are meant to be. Is it the speaker? Someone else? Are they thoughts? I really don't see any consistency in them. They seem to interrupt the flow of the other stanzas.

My favorite part in the poem would have to be,

You were always with me
My eyes so blind, I couldn't see
My head full of voices, I couldn't hear


As the last line of that stanza really left an impact.

All in all, you did a good job. Keep up the good work (:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
12 out of 12 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconskeletonsbasements:
SkeletonsBasements Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
' You were always with me
My eyes so blind, I couldn't see
My head full of voices, I couldn't hear '
Favorite part.
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:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
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:iconxxryra5bbit:
xxRyRa5bbit Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ur an angel
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:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:) thanks
Reply
:iconxxryra5bbit:
xxRyRa5bbit Featured By Owner May 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem ^^ tis true
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:icondemonrobber:
demonrobber Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2012
Two angels combined together in love. They can both help to heal all the wounds and create paradise on earth. It is good when you find the perfect match. Nicely done.
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:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks..
Reply
:iconheisbreakingmyheart:
heisbreakingmyheart Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so beautiful.
Reply
:iconscullreaper:
ScullReaper Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks
Reply
:iconheisbreakingmyheart:
heisbreakingmyheart Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
Reply
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